hippity hippity happs

I don't know what to expect in the next month or months, I don't know if I will feel overwhelmed again, but for now I can say diabetes is just normal life now. After dinner I almost forgot to give her her shot, that is how comfortable I have come with it. I can now say, it no longer consumes my life. I do worry when someone else is watching her and also feeding her because too much insulin could cause seizures or a coma and way too much, could kill her. As long as I am just a phone call away. But lets be honest, I'm sure the person feeding her is much more nervous than I am!

Right now she is in what they call the "honeymoon phase". Everyone goes through it and it lasts a different amount of time for everyone. It means her pancreas starts working again. So when I check her blood sugar before each meal, it is always normal, but I still have to give her a shot for her carbs but usually not for high blood sugar. Come on pancreas, I'll give you 5 bucks if you work for a long long time :)

In the beginning of her diagnosis, I felt like I wouldn't have Charlotte back. It seemed that she was very moody which isn't normal for her but I am so grateful every day when I see her being her and that it was just an adjustment in blood sugar we were trying to figure out.

The kids and I decorated for Christmas and I just let them do it all, except for the nativities and then I gave them their ornament for the year. This picture is an example of Charlotte, she fits right in, my kids pull faces in front of the camera or turn retarded. Have you heard the song "I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas"? We cranked that as we decorated. If you haven't check it out, great song.

We had a great turkey day this year. We paid for the Turkey Trot race but didn't run. why you ask? It was 7 degrees, would you get up on a holiday and deal with the hussle and bundling of children to run a race? I thought sleeping in, taking it slow and then working out on my own was more appealing. The turkey trot is a family tradition for us and it can get so cold here on Thanksgiving that we may have to do away with that tradition until the kids are older. Besides the cold, I also don't like being rushed in the morning on a holiday.

Ryan was comissioned to do a religous painting, this is a charcoal study for the final painting of Christ. Do you mind if I brag further and say that this is all from his imagination, except the hands. He photographed his own hands as a reference. seriously, one of these days while wandering through Deseret Book, you can point out to your friend that "I know that guy".

One last thing my friends. I am proud of myself. I made a goal to post a picture every day to a blog and I have done it all year. Pretty sure I'm not going to quit now so it is safe to say I accomplished my goal. I was wondering if I could make it all year, I thought for sure summer would kick my booty and I would quit. But some of you don't seem to know about it, just so all my effort wasn't for nothing check it out if you haven't apeekintomyday.blogspot.com

titleless is easier. Without title sounds more accurate.

Maybe i should stop blogging about my feelings and struggles. I always feel like I am complaining. I know you all prefer posts about what fun the kids and I are having.

um, every Christmas present I have bought (which isn't that many, we are keeping it simple) has been with a coupon plus a sale. I love it.

I want to write about how things are going with Charlotte but right now it seems exhausting to put some thought into it. Posting pictures of something fun with the kids is so mindless and easy but having to write my feelings?
First off, I am so grateful for the prayers, well wishes, support and encouraging words from friends and family. It helps more than you realize.

We left the hospital last Thursday and Friday ended up being quite an emotional day. I took Charlotte to the endocrinologist in South Jordan and the appointment took 3 hours. I had not planned on 3 hours PLUS driving time. We had 3 days of Diabetes education at the hospital and I made sure I understood it, the Dr. completely changed it. I was so confused. A little note about a diabetes diet, I check her blood sugar before each meal, if it is too high, I give her a shot. Then I make her meal, figure out how many carbs are in it (you count carbs not sugar) then decide how many she actually ate and then give her another shot depending on how many carbs she ate. He wants her snacks to be just protein, no carbs. The hospital taught me about counting carbs but they said just give her one shot after she eats for her blood sugar being too high and for her carbs and she can eat whatever she wants as a snack as long as it is less than 15 grams of carbs. Sounded easy, pretty much able to stick to normal life routine. But no, he changed it, but for good reason. He wants to get her blood sugar regulated and to keep her healthy all her life. So since being in the hospital all week, I hadn't been to the grocery store and had no clue what to make for dinner. It is now 5:15 p.m. as I am exiting the freeway trying to think of dinner. Beef Stroganoff. At the store Charlotte was crying and was clearly hungry. I was stressed because I didn't know what to give her, I couldn't think under pressure and just handed her a banana clueless about the amount of carbs. She never really stopped and kept asking for more food. We got home and I was trying to fix diner and count carbs and measure everything for her. Finally I decided, forget it, the kid is eating bacon and eggs, no carbs, I can't handle it. My house was a mess, Charlotte was hungry and it was all too overwhelming, I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do it. Why can't we just go back to 4 weeks ago when she was "normal" and healthy and she could eat whatever she wanted. This is too hard, I don't want to do it. I am forever grateful for a friend of mine who told me she had type 1 diabetes after hearing about Charlotte. I called her after my little break down and it was such a comfort to talk to someone who understood and knew this sucks. Not someone telling me "I'm sorry" but telling me "yeah, I hate it sometimes and wish I was normal, it's hard." I have told her quite a few times how grateful I am to her for letting me know, it has been a comfort to have someone who can relate and who can give me advice and answer questions. Saturday I was in a bit of a haze. All I wanted to do was go for a long run by myself with good music playing on my ipod. 6 miles never felt so good. I just needed to be alone. I saw my mother-in-law and told her how I was feeling and worried that I would always feel in a haze and diabetes would consume my thoughts and dreams. She hadn't really expressed to me how she felt when she found out her son had diabetes until then and told me she was the same way. She got short with her other kids, her focus was always on blood sugar and meals and she couldn't think of anything else. I was so relieved to know that how I was feeling was okay and that it would get better. I feel bad for her that she went through it by herself. I am so blessed to have her and my friends experience.

So now that I am almost at the week mark of flying solo, I have figured it out. I call the Dr, every night to talk about Charlie's blood levels and he lets me know if I need to change her insulin doses and the kids are learning that if they want certain snacks that Charlotte can't eat, they can't eat in front of her. I still have moments when this doesn't seem real. And I have moments when I wish we could go back in time to how things were before. But this is life now and everyday is life or death for Charlotte so I can't just quit and give up. She will have me to blame for her bad health if I don't take care of her and teach her now. And it has come to feel more like normal life. The other day I decided to pull out my weight watchers stuff because if I was already reading every label and counting carbs, I might as well count points while I'm at it :)

I think this is the last thing that needs catching up?? One weekend in October we went up to Snowbird with canned food to donate and we rode the tram to the top for free. It was raining all morning in the valley and when it stopped we took the chance that it wouldn't be raining or snowing up there. We didn't stay at the top too long because of the fog, you couldn't see anything anyways and it was getting cold. The kids loved the thrill of the ride up and then back down.

Halloween started out all fun and halloweenish. We lit our pumpkins, took a picture, more than just A picture and then

this was the last picture we took because right as we got to our first trunk, the storm began. Hail, think non stop hail. And the wind. I was soaked by the time I got to the car and I was cracking up. Everyone was freaking out and I was seriously drenched, it was hilarious.

We went home and took the kids to our clubhouse and went swimming. The hot tub was perfect. We were the only ones there which will never happen again on a Saturday night. We swam until the rain stopped. The kids still wanted to trick-or-treat so they bundled up in whatever because their costumes were soaked and we went to a few of our friends houses. We decided to just go home pop some popcorn and watch Karate Kid 2. I like the idea of very minimal halloween candy.

Sunday, real Halloween, we did a little Halloween dinner.

I pretended to be a witch, all I had was a hat, but the kids still thought it was fun and we ate worms with maggot sauce in a pumpkin (pasta), werewolf claws (pumpkin seeds) and reptile skin (sauteed zucchini). I didn't pre plan it but I threw it together pretty well.

Charlotte's November to remember

November started out pretty exciting, we were getting ready to celebrate Charlotte's 2nd birthday on the 5th. Her birthday wasn't super eventful but she's 2, what do you expect? We reminded her all day that it was her Birthday and every time she would say "Happy Bowday". For dinner we went to Costa Vida because they have a little play area and thought that would be more fun for her. But come to think of it, that just meant Ryan and I could enjoy our dinner while the kids played and occasionally grazed. But she also loves beans and that was our other reason for choosing it. We came home and had cake and opened presents with my mom. She didn't take a nap so she was starting to get a little ornery. When we brought out the cake she was too scared to blow out the candles and was even more scared of the smoke???






Sunday we went to Ryan's parents house for more celebration but she wasn't into it, she was feeling sick.




For a few weeks now she has been peeing a ton, like leaking through her diaper every couple of hours and always asking for a drink. I suspected she may have diabetes but kept pushing it out of my mind. I thought, no I just need to be more strict about letting her drink so much. It started getting to the point that she would wake up at 2 am and her bed would be soaked. I was constantly googling her symptoms to try to figure out what was going on. Hoping that it wasn't diabetes, I also came across the possibility of a UTI. On the 6th we went to a play place full of blow up slides and she was not into it at all and had fallen asleep for her nap earlier that day at 10:30 a.m. While making dinner she was totally crashed on the floor and would not get up, that is not like Charlotte at all. So Sunday I decided to take her into the insta care clinic because I didn't want to deal with the wait of the E.R. on a Sunday. I asked them to test her for a UTI and diabetes. They gave her a catheter to get a sample of her urine, so sad. And both tests, diabetes and UTI, came back negative. phew, what a relief that they didn't find glucose in her blood but they did find very high ketones so they tested her for strep throat. I mentioned to them that her older sister came down with it about 5 days earlier. She ended up testing positive for strep.
We went to Ryan's parents for dinner and I had asked his mom to test Charlotte's blood because she had the equipment (Ryan's older brother has type 1 diabetes). Normal blood sugar range is about 150-200, Charlottes' was "high above 600", the tester only went as high as 600. His mom looked at me and said "she has diabetes." In my mind I thought "be strong, hold it together, it could be because she's sick and just ate, be strong, don't cry." I knew. I had known for a while. I couldn't deny it any longer. After getting back home it was dark out and I took the trash out and broke down. I was outside in the dark where no one could see me and no one had their windows open so they wouldn't hear me and I cried. I cried because I felt guilty, what did I do wrong, how could've I prevented this? I cried because of what Charlotte's life was going to be like now, I would have to poke her all day and she wouldn't know why. I cried alligator tears and then asked myself why I was crying. I had fasted that day to know what was wrong with Charlotte and now I knew and I also knew that she would live a full life and millions of people have diabetes. I also knew this could be worse, why am I crying? But I just couldn't stop, I needed to let it out.
Monday morning I called the pediatrician and said I needed to come in that morning. She woke up happy healthy Charlotte but after eating she was starting to get lethargic again (because her blood was now full of sugar that wasn't being used. It's like eating 15 pieces of cheesecake, you feel disgusting) When they tested her blood, their machine only went up to 400 so they sent me to get her blood taken. About an hour later, I was at Wal Mart and the Dr. called to tell me her blood sugar was actually 866 and she needed to get to the hospital now. Luckily I was wearing a hat because I ditched my cart, put my head down and started to cry again and no one could see my face because my hat :) Ryan gave her a father's blessing and we were off. I prayed for comfort and I prayed for Charlotte as I drove, when I parked and as I made the long walk to the pediatric floor. The nurse quickly showed me her room and I cried when I saw the hospital crib (thanks to that trusty hat, no one knew). In the procedure room, she just sat on my lap and wasn't doing much and they poked her all over and gave her an I.V. I had three doctors briefing me on what was happening and what will be happening and I couldn't talk because if I did, I cried. And then I asked myself again, why am I crying? It's not like I am here for her to recieve chemo treatment, this could be so much worse. But you want your kids to live a healthy life with no trials. Remeber that urine test on sunday that said her ketones were high? Well they were and she had ketone acidosis in her blood because she had gone so long with high blood sugar. All that urinating was her kidney's trying to flush out the sugar and all the drinking was to make up for all the urinating.
Charlotte on Saturday

Getting things started in the procedure room

This is in her hospital room and she just laid here and watched a movie, she isn't much of a T.V. watcher normally.

She stayed in the hospital Monday-Thursday until they felt that her blood sugar and insulin dosage was in somewhat control. Ryan and I went through a crash course on Diabetes education. A lot to learn but i think I got it, the necessities at least. Ryan's mom showed up on Monday unexpectedly to help out and was amazing. She ended up sleeping at the hospital every night with Charlotte because I was getting sick and becuase she thought I needed a good sleep with all the stress and information I was processing. Yeah, she's pretty amazing like that. It is also a comfort knowing that she has been through this.
I have always been grateful for modern medicine but I am so grateful for modern medicine. We are so blessed to have what we have. In some countries in 2010, people still die from diabetes because they don't have insulin. We had amazing nurses, diabetes educators and of course the Dr's who made Charlotte feel comfortable and answered tons of my questions.
One of Charlotte's favorite things to do was to go see the new babies. Ped's shares a floor with Mother Baby and we watched babies for quite a while. They also had a fun play room stocked with toys and she would take the baby stroller out and run through the halls of the pediatric floor.
We are now home and life feels normal. I did get a little stressed and short with my older kids while I was trying to figure out her carbs and dosage of insulin and they were being loud and asking me questions. But I will get used to this and I will be praying for help daily.

her new stuffed toys and the donated blanket from humanitarian projects. I will never groan at humanitarian church projects again. You never know the importance of this type of service until you are on the receiving end.


reading with Grandma in the toy room while we get educated.

The kids learning about signs of low or high blood sugar. Mom can't be everywhere so it's good for them to know what to look for and how to help out with her diabetes.
seriously! I wish it was taken with a better camera and not my phone, this is a keeper.
On one of our many walks from the babies to the toy room, then around the halls and back to the babies.

getting a bath, you gotta protect the I.V. stint.

Time to go home!! I love that they put kids in wagons rather than a wheel chair. A princess wagon non the less.